DAY 10: routine

So on DAY 9, I had lost the remaining 0.6 to make up the entire pound between Sunday and Monday; which brought me up to eleven pounds lost. I finally got back on track too. No munching on almonds or bites of pasta. I have been finding comfort in smelling the delicious, fatty foods that I miss. I know, it is as ridiculous as it sounds. And watching other people eat them allows me to live (or rather "eat") vicariously through them. I can't believe it's only been a week and I've already been reduced to this craziness. What will another week do to me?

However, I was happy to break the "less than one pound lost per day" streak over the weekend with a strong 1.2 pounds lost today! The cheating, although VERY small, does make a difference obviously. Today, I had no desire to cheat even though someone's chicken bacon ranch melt from Subway left its tantalizing scent all over the break room today and I almost lost it. UGHH. Even photographs of food get me. Jonathan tells me that the mere thought of food is making him sick and he assured it would be the same for me. I highly doubt it though. My love for food and everything about it overrides anything normal. How do you think I got myself into this mess? All the research, the information and the "talk" about the emotional, psychological, and scientific connections between human beings and food are all true in my case! ALL true. Even the areas people haven't discovered or established a link. I LONG for the delicious sea salt and cracked pepper pretzel bits sitting in my cupboard, the homemade granola, the specialty farmer's market jams sent by my best friend in NYC, the Free Willy sandwich and home fries from Johnny McGuire's, the Gilroy pizza from Sierra Gold, the carne asade nachos from Roberto's..DROOOOOL.

ANYWAY, enough about food. I found that I was very satisfied tonight with just a cup of organic low sodium chicken broth with a few drops of Sriracha (just 5 calories for 1 tsp and 100mg sodium) and a piece of Melba toast! Yummy and filling. I also introduced a little more cardio in my life to expedite my rewards. My choice of poison was Dance Central on Kinect. It was great since I broke a sweat, had fun and went at it for a a good hour so far. Hopefully it plays a big role in tomorrow's ONE WEEK (seven days) weigh-in. :)

STATS: I currently weigh 237.8 pounds. I've lost a total of 12.2 pounds with 62.8 more to go!

DAY 8: a week

10:13 am: Damn it, I lost less than a pound from yesterday. I'm slightly disappointed, however I know that I have made amazing progress since just a WEEK ago so I shouldn't be so hard on myself. It is difficult not to be sad though since I veered off the track slightly and I'll always wonder if it cost me. But I must not dwell on the past! Back on track today and maybe throw in some cardio? I can't WAIT to lose another ten pounds! That will put me back at where I was three years ago - I can finally move on from there and do what I set out to do when I first learned I was diabetic, lose weight and be healthy!

STATS: I currently weigh 239.6 pounds. I've lost a total of 10.4 pounds with 64.6 more to go!

DAY 7: cravings

Just four days of the drops and full hCG diet and I have lost TEN pounds! It's fantastic! What took me a month of dedicated gym time and portion control last April, I lost in less than a week! I hope this momentum keeps up! What's greater is that a few people have noticed and said they can tell I've lost weight and that my face has gotten smaller - THANK GOODNESS. :)

It's just getting easier. However, I am more quick to forget my drops before eating now. And although it has been easier to stay on track and eat the way I need to eat, there are definite urges and desires for certain food items. It takes A LOT of willpower to say NO and walk away from it. I was at my parent's house and there it was, a pizza box with two very large delicious slices of Sierra Gold's Gilroy pizza. OMG, the smell was tantalizing, intoxicating and almost broke me down. ALMOST. It took very part of my being to close the box and put it away. I immediately regretted opening the fridge in the first place.

What's really neat is that I definitely can't eat a lot at one time. I couldn't even finish my lunch again. Still had a few trees of broccoli and a small piece of chicken left. I wasn't completely disciplined today though and I'm very embarrassed. Well, more disappointed in myself. I know that it really wasn't bad, but I have been SO good this week with making sure that I didn't wane at all and then comes evil Saturday. I was hanging out with my nieces during the afternoon and of course, I had to feed them "real" food since they're only six and nine. I have been cooking dinner for the boyfriend the last couple of nights too and yes, the first night it was torturous, but after that I found my love for cooking again without being bitter. Yes, it doesn't help the whole "OMG I can't control myself around delicious food" thing, however I just love being around food and at least someone else can enjoy it. ANYWAY, so we made this delicious, healthy homemade granola and tomato chicken rigatoni. And, naturally, I had to taste it. I am being completely sarcastic; I really shouldn't have taken so many bites. Granted that I did forgo dinner because I knew I was munching on pasta and granola throughout the evening (I would roughly say five small bites of each, so I didn't go crazy). Ughh, I couldn't help myself! After one bite, it was really hard to resist another because it was SO YUMMY! It'll never happen again! What makes me feel even worse is that those were both filled with CARBOHYDRATES! My mortal enemy.

I knew it was going to cost me, so to make up for the mishap, I did a lot of toning prior to bed. Pilates-style core strengthening, leg lifts and crunches plus upper arm toning with three-pound weights. I mean, I really am going to get in the habit of doing these type of exercises every day anyway since I don't want flabby arms and a flabby stomach (I already have excess skin from the first time I lost a lot of weight). I wonder if that'll play into fat turning into muscle and getting in the way of losing a lot of weight, however I care more about how I look and feel, rather than the scale (although, I love watching the numbers go down!).

STATS: I currently weigh 240.0 pounds. I've lost a total of 10.0 pounds with 65.0 more to go!

DAY 6: it shows

Today became a lot easier. A LOT easier. The hunger is manageable and almost non-existent and the portions are filling. Tonight I diverged from my usual chicken breast and broccoli/cucumber/celery. My mom prepared a slice of low-sodium roasted tri-tip with seasoned green beans. A little more salt that I normally want to consume, however it was so tasty! And definitely helped break up the monotony of my week's meals. I still feel really great too!! I also couldn't believe I lost another 1.2 pounds today bringing up my total to almost TEN pounds! I really hope this doesn't slow down since my mom and Eve, a family friend, could tell I had lost weight! Yay for validation! Really can't wait for tomorrow and I am determined to really keep this going!!

STATS: I currently weigh 240.8 pounds. I've lost a total of 9.2 pounds with 65.8 more to go!

DAY 5: miracle noodles

9:46 am: I can't believe I lost 4.8 pounds today!!! It definitely makes the hunger pangs before bed worth it. Is it weird that I'm still skeptical? Even though it's happening to me and I see the numbers on the scale, I'm in disbelief. I don't think I will be completely satisfied until the end of the week. I've never been one to weigh myself every day since I know fluctuations are typical, however I know that I need to with this particular diet. Therefore, when I weigh myself next Sunday, I will certainly know the results are real.

I do feel really strange right now though. I'm pretty sure it's hunger, but it's unlike the last two days. I do feel a little weak. My energy is still the same, but I do feel kinda wobbly.

11:50 pm: It amazingly gets easier. Plus, the Miracle Noodles have been PHENOMENAL! Extremely filling with endless possibilities. It's hilarious because the only similarity it has to actual noodles is its shape, nothing else. However, it psychologically makes me feel like I'm eating noodles (or more essentially, a starch) and is filling with me with nutritious fiber. It's a winning relationship all around. I had a pack during lunch and dinner (thankfully, my shipment from Amazon only took a day!) and I couldn't even finish my meal both times! A meal that was less than 200 calories - COULD. NOT. FINISH. By the way, the noodles are not the tastiest things on earth and pretty darn expensive, but for zero calories and a FREE food? YES PLEASE. As I was saying though, it hasn't been as difficult as it was the first couple days. Although I still constantly feel hungry. A lot could do with the fact that I haven't been eating my whole meals and I probably should eat more, but I'm simply TOO LAZY.

I have been salivating over food photos..mostly my own. It made me want everything - hamburgers, fries, fries covered with cheese, sandwiches, fried rice. DROOOOL. However, it also made me realize that I have been eating so terribly in the last year! TERRIBLY!! It should have been no surprise to me that I've gained so much weight. I never used to eat like this and at this frequency. I have been eating bad food too often. Overindulging. I've been horrible. No more!

STATS: I currently weigh 242.0 pounds. I've lost a total of 8.0 pounds with 67.0 more to go!

DAY 4: the hump

7:38 am: I was afraid to step on the scale, but I knew it needed to be done. Down 3.2 pounds. It's not as satisfying or rewarding as I thought it would be. It has a lot to do with the fact that I typically fluctuate between these three pounds, so it could have just been another morning. I know that tomorrow's weigh-in should be more representative of my progress..or at least I hope.

12:35 pm: Hungry all morning. The green tea and apple didn't soften the pangs. I am behind on my second administration of drops and lunch since I was lazy and didn't get out of bed until after 11. Oh well.

9:38 pm: Today was hard. It was difficult to stay on track because I wasn't at work with a schedule. Staying in bed, having lunch late in the afternoon. I had a mishap with my countertop oven which delayed my meal even longer and I was pretty angry. It was definitely the hunger.

In better news, I ordered a pack of Miracle Noodles. These things are amazing - made from Konnyaku, a soluble fiber plant that I actually grew up eating. Some people can't get over the non-flavor and texture, but fortunately for me, I like it! So we'll see if I like these noodles. I also ordered Organic Low-Sodium Chicken Broth, multi-vitamins and a kitchen scale (I've been guessing). Everything will be coming tomorrow and Friday. However, I picked up one thing of Miracle Noodles and broth from Whole Foods to hold me over.

I'm really hoping tomorrow is easier. The hunger pangs are killing me. And I can't wait to see the results on the scale! Ughhh, I need to go to bed.

STATS: I currently weigh 246.8 pounds. I've lost a total of 3.2 pounds with 71.8 more to go!

DAY 3: 500 big ones

I am so anxious. There's really no better word to describe how I feel about the day ahead. All these questions are swimming in my head: Am I going to feel hungry? Are the drops going to work? Will I feel miserable? Am I going to be strong enough? Will it all feel like enough? Will I be cranky? Am I going to experience the "first day" like everyone else says I will? Then I remind myself, I really haven't been this determined about anything since first discovering I was diabetic in August 2007.

I was so scared. My life would never be the same from the moment my doctor told me the results of the test and what it meant. I was determined to make the necessary changes. With the help of a dietitian, I learned to manage my diabetes plus lose weight (which would ease the effect of the diabetes) and with a lot of determination, I accomplished great feats; taught myself how to eat properly, exercise well, learned what foods were good, which ones were bad and managed to lose over 55 pounds. I feel that same determination again.

So after being awake for an hour, hunger pangs have struck. Aren't you NOT supposed to feel hungry? I'm thinking that I need to administer some drops ASAP and take my vitamins. Green tea, here I come!

10:42 am: So far, so good. I don't know what did it - the drops, the vitamins or the large mug of green tea, but I am NOT hungry and I still feel great! I have also diligently gone through 16 ounces of water already. I'm anticipating the hunger pangs; if it hits, when will it? I am definitely putting off my snack as long as possible.

1:48 pm: Okay, so there were a couple episodes of hunger pangs, but they were surprisingly manageable. I had an apple for my snack and didn't even have the desire to eat all of it or the piece of Melba toast! And I still have my energy (although I am usually overly energetic anyway). Therefore, I think I can safely say that today is going VERY well! Right now, I'm doing lunch of Melba toast, chicken breast and celery. Delicious. This particular chicken breast I bought probably has too much sodium, but I think I'll be okay. I think it helps that I've had to eat like this before and really enjoy these types of foods.

5:46 pm: The afternoon was harder to deal with as far as hunger. I think I'll save my snack for the afternoon rather than the morning tomorrow. Probably the hardest part of this whole situation though is dealing with job-related stress and not being able to eat. Stress is such a horrible thing. It pushes me to eat and it prevents weight loss. Greeeat. I need to meditate when I leave work. Actually, that sounds like a great idea.

10:36 pm: End of the day checkout. I had my dinner of chicken breast and celery and although it was satisfying, loud rumbling emitted from my stomach. Why so many hunger pangs?! Luckily, I had saved my last snack and was able to munch on some strawberries. Hunger pangs are coming and going. Still manageable though. Also, consuming 96 ounces of water proved not so difficult. I have these huge sport jugs that hold 32 ounces, so I'm using them to easily measure what I'm drinking.

I'm excited for a weigh-in tomorrow morning, but I'm also concerned that I gained a lot of weight during my loading days that I haven't accounted. What if my body doesn't respond well to these drops and the diet?

DAY 2: loading..again

My stomach was hurting prior to going to bed and I wouldn't be surprised if it was because I ate so much yesterday. However, the first thing I felt when I woke up this morning was hunger!

I did the drops before heading to work and started with a slice of pizza. Then, a taquito during our meeting and another one a couple hours later. For lunch, I had leftover curly fries, wings, rice and pasta. Talk about loading! People think I'm crazy that I'm on a "diet" and I'm eating worse than I normally eat. I think fighting off people and having to explain and justify the craziness will be the most stressful, not the eating lol.

Well, after today people will really start asking questions. I can't wait for the end of the week already! I should have brought snacks to eat between 3-5 pm, so now I'm rushing home to get pasta and do more fat grazing. Yay.

So, it's the end of the second and (thankfully) last loading day. I finished strong with some Doritos and a slice of cheesecake. Someone help me, I feel crazy and fatter than EVER. I'm very excited about tomorrow. Did I mention that already? I ran to the store for my week worth of groceries. I got individually-packed chicken breasts (conveniently four ounces per pack, however you do need to prepare it on stovetop or oven), broccoli, celery, cucumbers, apples, strawberries, melba toast, organic naturally decaffeinated green tea and sugar-free jello. SUCCESS.

I have never been so determined and excited about an endeavor in a very long time. Thank you Jonathan, I owe you one. :)

DAY 1: loading

It's harder than you would think. It's nearly painful. Forcing yourself to eat and binge. Eating the foods that you really enjoy and usually can't enjoy, now being shoved down your throat. Just had two crunchy tacos from Taco Bell WITH cheese, something I haven't done since 2007. It was delicious, but after 20+ ounces of steak and a large potato for lunch, it was only slightly enjoyable. I even had a can of Sprite and a bottle of Gatorade, two other items I rarely consume. Earlier today when my blood sugar was probably very low and I could have eaten an entire cow, binging on my favorite fatty food seemed like heaven. I was ecstatic. I was daydreaming about how I would eat this and then eat that. All with a big grin on my face. Yeah, it has only been six hours and I want to stop eating.

The drops are very managable. When I first smelled it, I was reminded that I have a difficult time being near any type of cough or oral medication (Tums, even Pedialyte). However, once the initial sting of the active alcohol in the drops wears off, it almost has a bit of a fruity aroma. Plus, most of the formula absorbs under your tongue before any of your taste buds touches it. I did find that you need a mirror to see the drops since it's hard to tell what you're dispersing based merely on feeling.

Next, I'm on my way to eat delicious, fatty pizza. My theory is that you'll be so sick of having to eat ALL this food in the first two days that you don't even want to be anywhere near it while you're on the diet. It's all psychological. It has even convinced me that if you "load up" properly, the first couple days with the 500 calories will be easier. At least I'm hoping!

My choice of poison was Sierra Gold's Gilroy pizza. It would have been so delicious had I not been so full. I also had a few strands of curly fries with ranch. Fat on top of fat with a side of fat. Blehhh, I feel pretty disgusting haha. No worries though, I had water. I couldn't do another soda. This isn't me.

Right now I don't feel so hot, but I'm sure it's the "meat sweats" and probably the fact that it's also 85+ degrees on an autumn evening. Gag. Here's to another loading day tomorrow.

STATS: I currently weigh 250 pounds. I have 75 pounds to lose to get to my goal of 175. :)